First off, I'm not sure who painted this. I got it from a facebook post and initially thought it was pretty cool. Then, I looked deeper.
Looking closer at this picture, this is a bad situation. Yoda is fucked. You've got two Sith Lords, a Storm Trooper with this boss right next to him, and a mercenary who doesn't give a fuck about fighting Jedi. They already took out R2 and 3PO, leaving them deader than fried chicken, frozen, and soon to be covered in snow.
So you might be thinking, "What about Chewie? He's there, it is all good." The hell it is. He has a fucking paper hat on! And his hands are full with a tray of steaming mugs. He is like a busboy from Pulp Fiction, some wetback gettin' paid a dollar fifty a hour, is he gonna really give a fuck they're stealin' from the owner or if Sith Lords are going to take over the joint?
"But he's Chewie!" Yeah, so what? He's a space sasquatch with a shiny bandolier that holds nothing. What is he going to do? Dump the steaming mugs on them? On guys in armor whom the steaming mugs will not affect? "But he can get Darth Maul!" Yeah, and, statistically, he will also get Yoda. He's a space sasquatch, do you think he has any good coordination? Fuck no. He's no Bigfoot android from the Six Million Dollar Man, he's a bumbling, growling moron who probably gets more hair into those mugs than liquid.
This is how Yoda dies, man, at 11:00 at night in a greasy spoon on Coruscant with a fucking Santa hat on while Chewie just gives his shitty, disingenuous sympathetic growl and cleans up the mess in hopes of getting a few coins for a tip because he's saving up to buy some other bullshit bandolier type decoration that serves no purpose other than to make him/her feel good.
Buying pretty things isn't going to make you feel better, Chewie, and isn't going to make you pretty on the inside. You've got to tell them to take this job and shove it, quit, and take charge of your life, because otherwise, you are literally serving the Empire here. Do it, Chewie, I believe in you.
Comment if you'd like, or leave Chewie and Yoda to their fates if you are heartless.
No comments:
Post a Comment